Today is bittersweet. Its MOTHER'S DAY. I had a miscarriage around this time two years ago. I was going to announce it at mother's day, but miscarried 2 days after my 20th birthday. It was my first. Difficult to swallow, but I can't let it get me down. Today is still MOTHER'S day, and I have a mom - and an awesome mom at that. I need to celebrate her, but it hurts knowing that I might not get this day for myself.
Anyways, I had another class yesterday. I feel more confident about all of this, but I know that we aren't looking for adoption with this agency - its not an option to look for. Its foster care, so while I want so badly to become a forever family for a child, I now know that we aren't there to be their forever family, but I wish that was more upfront before we started this process. We are overwhelmed by being 22 and 25(Well, his birthday is in October and will be 25 then) foster care parents. All we want is to be a family.
I don't mind being a foster mom for my whole life, but I want to be able to go through life with a child and experience all the things like school plays, sports, dance, scouts, ect. I want to dance with my son and or daughter at their weddings. I want to help plan graduation parties and proms. I want to hear the words "I love you mommy" before bed.
Basically I'm a hormonal mess right now. I know what I want, I know what Nate wants. I know what WE want. I just don't know how it will happen. I'm not patient in the waiting aspect of life, but i'm patient with kids. I'm calling a counselor first thing Monday and am going to find someone to talk all this out with and see if I am mentally in the right spot to do all this - I think I am, but that doesn't mean I'm not in denial. I have a great support system, and tons of family and friends who are just as eager as I am for this to happen, but I need to be sure that this isn't going to be a huge fail.
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