I am finally getting enough courage to start being more open about my infertility and my journey in trying to have a baby. I honestly can't speak for my husband on whether he is ready for it, but I think in order for me to accept that its "my fault" because its my medical issue that I need to be as open and as honest as I can be.
I need to talk about it. I need to vent. I need to make myself feel better about this whole situation. I know its not my fault that we have had to go through all of this, but I can't help feeling it is.
I am a nanny - it sucks because I truly see what I am missing out on. It is also great because I get to play for a living.
When my friends tell me they are pregnant, I genuinely want to be happy, but can't help but burst into tears because I have been trying to hard to obtain something that came so easy for them. We have taken a step back for the summer to focus on us and give my body a break. We started trying in September of 2008, and gave it a rest after the 4th miscarriage on June 2nd, 2010. My body didn't rest anywhere in between, it just got worked THAT much harder.
I need support, not the, "I'm sorry" line. There is nothing to be sorry for - you didn't do anything to me. I need to hear, "I will keep you in my thoughts," not "I understand." Unless you have been in my shoes, you really don't understand.
For now thats my vent. Peace, love, and baby dust.
It took me a long time to start coming out and it wasn't an event for me but more so I process... a very long process. I really did start to feel better when I was more open to my friends and colleagues about it. It makes me very sad that you are struggling the way you are. With lots of hope....
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